I don't really exist (papertowlbtrfly) wrote,
I don't really exist

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wow! It's been forever since I've made an open update, eh? I just haven't had the free time when I've been able to concentrate. I'm sitting on the floor at a bead show right now. In a big empty exhibit hall...watching beads. That's it, a bunch of beads. Actually, it's freaking awesome! I've got tunes playing on my phone, I haven't had to say a word to anyone in over two hours (Fuck yeah!) and I brought my netbook to work. Why? because I really don't care anymore if they fire me which, um, seems to be a lot harder than I thought. I'm working for GSS right now as I type this. I think they take "fired" literally here; As in you actually have to light something on fire to loose your job. Of course, it is non-guaranteed (awfull, like 10 available hours one week, 50 the next! )!hours at minimum wage, so yeah, I get why Janet (manager) really likes me. I never sleep while everyone else who works for the company does....and that's just because I'm all crazy paranoid ;) I love working nights though! Not to sound like a nutter, but I can sense when other people around me are conscious and it just gets to be too much sometimes, especially on the subway, etc. Unfortunately, but very fortunately in the grand scheme of things, I've also been working a lot of afternoon shifts lately. Remember the job I was going for but I didn't want to jinx it?, well I got it! Yaay! a living payrate! So, now I work for a not for profit :) I do like the idea of that :) I just finished training and I've only gotten a few shifts with them so far and I'm still hoping for a permanent site (why I'm still keeping my other jobs). In the mean time, I'm doing lots of fun stuff! I can't tell you what that is though :( Yup, fun stuff :) I'm especially excited about a shift I have coming up, but I can't say what I'll be doing. Tee hee, I guess I can say this much, it's plainclothes and I'm required to "blend" in with business people. Not the general public, I have to pass for an actual real grown up business woman. Well, that's going to take some effort!! ;) tee hee, I tried to put on some makeup and realised I don't know the first damn thing about makeup! How does it work? Lol, I've got a lot of stupid videos on youtube to get watching! My hair is still mostly here so that's passable I guess. Oh yeah, I have to see yet another specialist about that. Arrgh! The good news is that my bloodwork and other tests I did all came back fine. Everything keeps pointing to stress. To be perfectly honest, tonight has reminded me how I just don't feel good unless I'm alone. I need to be alone. At the very least get a couple more shifts like this one. It may actually just be stress. It's still coming out by the handful though and I have no idea why:( Here's why I'm not so worried anymore though, it's being replaced with white hair. It's really short and thin, but I'm hoping it will grow out alright. I can live with that, that's what happens when you get old after all ;) Oh yeah, and I'm only "reduced iron stores" now so I guess supplementing is working :) Yaay! because I hate liver!! I'll take a pic when I get home (no internet access here, I'm just typing this up on mousepad). Anyhow, as most of the shifts I've been working have been afternoon/evenings I haven't really had any time where I get enough time to relax to the point where I can gather my thoughts. So most of my time online has just been being a jerk on /r/linux while having conversations in real life. Well, actually, I'm not so sure I'm just being a jerk. For starters, I don't think I'm so much of a jerk at all online, I think it's just that jerks like to call other people jerks (well, more elaborate attacks than that, but that's pretty much what they're saying). Anyhow, there's a lot of disinformation about a number of things that are happening now i.e. this whole UEFI business is scary as f*ck and they've already manged to co-opt it as 'secure boot that you know and love' (I really should gather my thoughts on that and make a post, even if just for my own benefit. Speaking of coopting terms pissing me off, this whole UEFI business has made me rethink...well, that's definitely for a different post. Anyhow, that's why I'm not so sure my presence there is nothing more than a indulgence because I'm one of a very few (and it's so obvious!)that actually read sources rather than just regurgitate clever sounding crap. I dunno? HA HA either that or I'm having delusions of grandeur! :) Speaking of delusions, I don't know what made me think I could live off ovaltine cookies with peanut butter for three days straight without repercussions.... tee hee, I'll end my update on whats going on with me there. No wait, no I won't because you should know: if you put peanut butter on ovaltine cookies, they taste just like reeses peanut butter cereal :) I dunno why, but they do,
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